Thursday, December 10, 2009

Emotional bouncy balls...

I really hadn't planned on posting today, but I just felt compelled. I didn't initially intend on this being a daily blog. I cant think of why anyone would want to hear what I have to say on a daily basis.......I don't even want to hear what I have to say every day, but being that I cant say it without hearing it too, I really have no choice. Although, I suppose you aren't really "hearing" this, as much as reading it. Unless of course you are reading out loud........mkay..moving on.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day, that I have been thinking on ever since. We were discussing how emotional we have become over the last few years. And for me its really come through in just the last year, year and a half. I brought this up to my friend to get a comparison, and hopefully an opinion as well. I should mention that my friend is about 2 or 3 years older than me, and male. I didn't know if what I was experiencing was due to my age, or my female hormones due to my age, or a combination of everything, or just that I had won the lottery of annoying emotional habits... And apparently I'm not alone. We were discussing the fact that we can't get through the Firefly series without tearing up in a few (or most, in my case) of the episodes. "OOooh the one were Zoe has to go and save Wash and Mal......and the one where you see everyone's back story of how they came to be on Serenity...I cry EVERY time!...." Yes, that is pretty much verbatum, and it has really gotten that bad.... *side note; if you haven't seen Firefly or the follow-up movie Serenity, WATCH THEM. It is totally worth it, I promise you...*

I think it just comes with age. I think I have just gotten to a point now where soooooo many things that once were important issues for me, are now just distant thoughts no longer clouding my mind. And my mind, now having so much more room for the "important" things, can now fully outline and dissect the meanings behind those hidden details of life.

Let me give you an example;

20 year old me watching Star Wars: "I still cannot fricken believe that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father.... That is mind blowing." End of thought.

30 year old me watching Star Wars: "What on earth could Luke have been feeling at that moment?? He was obviously angry and confused.... I just couldn't imagine what that must feel like! And for Vader/Anikin.....Oh....the torment he must have been feeling all these years, being so angry over the loss of his only love, but then finding his children. Then trying to kill them! Sheesh, what a roller coaster of emotion he must have been going through." And the thought trails on, all in a matter of seconds, and all while the tears start to flow down the cheeks and into the popcorn bowl in my lap....

(and I believe that I should state for the record that I never USED to be a crier. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless. I misted during Saving Private Ryan and Schiendler's List like the rest of the world, but otherwise I could keep it to myself!)

It's not that I think that we are simple minded or uncaring during our early 20's....its quite the opposite. I think that at a younger age we are just more accepting and open to absorb the things we are fed. I believe that the older we get, the harder we are to convince that things are the way things are.

It all comes down to imagination. When we are children, our imaginations are like silly putty. It can be shaped and molded to fit the things around us, but still remains recognizable as silly putty. Then the older we get, the harder it gets.....just like silly putty if you leave out of that little plastic egg.. When we reach a certain point, which I suppose the age would vary by individual, it becomes like one of those bouncy balls you get out of the machines for a quarter. Its still wild and all over the place if you throw it hard enough, but it never changes shape. You can put it in your pocket and it will be all warm and safe, collecting all your pocket fuzzies. The ball may admire the shape of the quarter you keep in the same pocket. And it can agree with the shape of the keys that's in there too. But its still a ball, because that is what is knows how to be.

It's harder for me now than ever to accept things for how they are, or how they appear to be. I have too many questions. I have too many needless, far-fetched comparisons. I for some reason feel the need to try to attach myself to the equation, only to bounce my stupid bouncy ball off of it and watch it go boinging across the room. I cant just conform to it and then quickly peel myself off to see what transfers. And if its nothing, then it's obviously not the right kind of!

I miss being silly putty...


  1. Hilarious! And so true, I know exactly how you feel.

  2. Gracias, and welcome to the "hormonally driven weepy club"