Thursday, January 28, 2010

Scary Smoking Burglar Worms......It gives me chills.

Ive always been one of those annoying people that says "if ONE more crappy thing happens I'm gonna.....*insert nasty thing I would do here*...". Apparently that one more thing never happens, because I never had to *re-insert nasty thing I would do here*. Either that or I am just totally full of shit. More than likely it's the latter...

But this seems like one of those times where I'm going to pile on the shit and say, "if one more crappy thing happens I'm gonna.........well......probably bend over and take it, but you can damn well believe that I am going to bitch about it!"

The things that are oh-so-vexing me as of late are three fold, as most bad things are, aren't they? For the first of my thrice annoyances, we will start with Fire Safe Cigarettes, shall we?

As you may or may not know, 92% of the states in the Unites States have passed laws that require cigarettes to be made with new fire safe paper. They believe this will cut down on deaths and injuries caused by cigarette related fires. The fire safe paper for the cigarettes is made out of two or three bands of less-porous paper glued together with ethylene vinyl acetate copolymer emulsion based adhesive.....which is essentially; CARPET GLUE.. Good times. *what this is supposed to achieve is a paper that will cease to burn if not manipulated; ie, if you stop taking puffs off the cigarette the fire will go out. Now instead, while smoking the chunk of tobacco that is actually on fire will occasionally fall out of the paper.........HOW IS THIS ANY BETTER???

Now lets skip through all the crap where I defend a person's right to smoke (as long as it is done in respect to other's) and we also skip past the part where I say quitting is the only way out alive and all that other crap.... blah, blah, blah.... now we are back to the main point. The crap they are putting in the cigarettes to make them fire safe, is actually three times more dangerous than the cigarette itself! I spent close to four hours clutching my chest in horror as I scanned through website after endless website containing articles on this subject.

The horrible side effects from smoking the cigarettes with the new paper.......I HAD. All the while blaming each and every one on something else. Pets. Allergies. Stress. So on, and so on. Can anyone say "selective genocide". I wont go into my thoughts and feelings on THAT, we would be here all day....

Anyhoo. The other vex I am having is this new found fear I am having about my safety and the safety of all my worldly possessions. At the beginning of this week my neighbor left her apartment for roughly two hours. When she came back, her door was pried open and her apartment had been robbed. This was during the day. While I was home. My door less than 15 feet from hers! Several other neighbors home as well. What the hell??? Someone out there has balls....great big theft-lovin' balls. So now, not only am I afraid that someone is going to break in at any moment, day or night, I'm also afraid to leave my apartment in fear of coming home to find nothing but a wide-eyed traumatized cat. Being that I live in an apartment I cannot modify things in any way, like extra locks or an alarm system. I just have to hope like hell that the the constant bag of cat crap by the door, forever waiting to be tossed in the dumpster, and the wreath that is always three holidays behind will detour anyone from breaking in. "Nah, skip that one. I doubt those nasty slobs have anything worth taking anyway.." Yeah, that's right buddy......just keep on movin'..... I hear 3B has a new flat screen..

And last, but certainly not least: My cat now has worms...... How does an indoor cat who is absolutely terrified of even the open door contract worms, you say? I have no damn clue! but he's got 'em. Apparently its a pretty simple remedy, it just takes a matter of days for the meds to have a full effect. Meanwhile Ive got a mobile worm dispenser walking around the apartment, with worms shawshanking their way out of his anus and onto anything in sight. Do you know how hard it is to keep a cat off of the furniture?? Pretty damn hard. There is only so many times I can smack him before he just doesn't care anymore... So out of the 16-18 hours that I am awake I have been vacuuming for about 15 of those. On the upside, the market for Dirt Devil's replacement vacuum cleaner bags is going to sky rocket...

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