Well the universe stepped in and made up for lost time...
I am the proud owner of what my friends like to refer to as "emo cat". A large majority of the time he carries the look of anger or brooding on his face. Even when he is very clearly enjoying something; being scratched, eating, napping... he looks completely unimpressed and emotionally detached from the situation. This, and when he is spoken to he either has the look of boredom, disgust, or literally like he is on the threshold of rolling his eyes. Now I am fully aware that cats do not posses the ability to roll their eyes. Unless of course they are being choked..... Not that I'm speaking from experience.....haha!......ha!.......ha. Ahem..... anyway.
But due to his reaction to most things, I find amusement in trying to annoy the ever-loving crap out of him. This is what happens to people when they become shut-ins!
When "emo cat" is hungry, he makes the most god-awful sound he can accomplish, and will physically attempt to trip me every opportunity he gets. And today as I am walking down the hall of my apartment toward my bedroom, he starts doing just that. So, being the total dork that I am, started harassing him by singing "Feed My Frankenstein" by Alice Cooper, while poking him repeatedly in the side... Except I have replaced the word "Frankenstein" with "kitty-kitty"......
*sigh*..............
REALLY stupid, I know... Don't judge me, I was alone.....or so I thought.
As I have mentioned in the past, I live right along side the highway. Being that my windows face said highway, it drowns out a lot of the noise in the apartment. Much like low white noise, or having the washer running constantly. So when I am in the back of the apartment, ie my bedroom, I cant hear things that are going on in the living room. "Things" in this case would be the maintenance men knocking on my door....
One of the many things I dislike about apartment living, is that your space is never really "your space". And management likes to give you frequent reminders of that fact by entering your apartment at any given time. On many occasion they have knocked on the door, waited approximately 0.6 seconds before ramming in their key and thrusting the door open. And each time this occurs they open the door to find me, mere feet away reaching for the knob, with a look on my face that says, "you are SO incredibly fortunate that I do not have a firearm in my hand right at this moment-and-next time how 'bout giving me two damn seconds to open the door FOR YOU....mkay?"...
So today not being any different from the others, they apparently knocked and when no response was given by someone with vampire-like speed, they let themselves in. However, unlike all the other occasions, today they walk in to me off in the distance singing my own version of an Alice Cooper song. As if this was not bad enough, I was dressed in old sweat pants, an old tank top with bleach stains, (it was laundry day) and slippers. And to make things even more horrible, I was singing for the benefit of the cat.....and making it obvious that the cat was my intended audience...
By the time I realized that I was not alone it was waaaaaaay too late. WAY too late.... They had already heard enough, and then very shortly thereafter, they saw enough.... I wanted to die, right then and there. All the places I have never been, all the things I have yet to do, I no longer gave a shit. Dead....pencil to the temple....lamp cord around the neck......I didn't care, whatever would have killed me fastest. Ironically, the cat looked almost as mortified as I was.
I think its time to move..
"sigh....."
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