Those Who Cannot Mature, Judge...

So, contrary to popular belief (and many many hours of trying to will it so) I have not fallen into a portal to another dimension. One where all the animals talk and everyone breaks out into song at any given moment. No...no... Ive just been here completely absorbed in reading. That and my sleep has been horribly thrown off, so I have been prone to massive mood swings, having my emotions go from one end of the shining "woman-spectrum" to the other... I felt that posting a blog that went from: "I had the best bagel today, I love you all!" to: why does my cat often look at me like I'm just not good enough?!?!" then finally to: "I am not in existence to impress everyone, why wont people just leave me alone and let me read?!?!?!", was not the best way to entertain readers. That is also not the best way to stay out of a state hospital.....so staying quiet was really best on all levels, really.

But, with the help of some pretty great last couple of days, and the fact that The Boyfriend finally made it back home after a two week business trip, I feel tons better. I've taken the boards off the windows, changed out of my fuzzy sheep pajama pants, and have stopped talking about myself in the third person. Heather is back on track! .....damn it!!

I had a startling realization today. It was one of those metaphorical light bulbs that goes off in your head, but once it comes on it turns out to be way too bright and cant be switched back off again....

My friend and I had decided to go shopping and run some errands. We stopped by our Mecca: Whole Foods, for some tea and vitamins. Then our other source of sheer elation: Barnes and Noble. And then the place that makes us constantly wonder why in the hell we keep going there, and also wonder why a startling percentage of the population has never heard of birth control or soap: Wal-Mart.

While walking through the store, picking out random groceries, my friend and I are quite enjoying ourselves. Talking about nothing in particular, joking around, laughing, and just simply enjoying being out of the house on such a nice day. From one completely obscure inside joke to the next, the laughing and joking reached a level that I'm quite sure others in the immediate vicinity could hear, but would not be disturbed by. Or was it?

That's when it hit me. Are we in the "annoying" category of the general population? In a time in our lives when we have reached that age where teenagers think we are old, and the middle-aged still views us as "kids", we have totally and completely encased ourselves in that warm shroud of confidence, welcomed self realization, and a general satisfaction of the direction (or lack thereof) that our lives have taken thus far.

I started thinking: How long has it been since someone new has joined our "group"? Do we even want that to happen? Would anyone else even want to? Not that these things matter, or should matter.... But at this point in my life I have realized that I have surrounded myself with the base, foundation, and building blocks of my being. I have the best friends that I have ever had, and probably (and hopefully) ever will. My kids are smart, happy, and healthy, and even though I hope to accomplish something great within this next decade of my life, I am satisfied with the step of the "ladder of life" that I have paused on.

But again, I ask myself: "is the reason for all that because I am one of those people that I oh-so-not long ago found to be really agitating? I make (somewhat) tasteful jokes in public, not caring who overhears. I thrust myself into a persona that is purposefully annoying, for the humor of it all. But the one answer to the question that really bothers me is: I don't care! Is that wrong entirely? Or is this what self confidence really feels like.....? (Being one of those that grew up never really feeling the definition of the word "self confidence", I find the tinge of guilt for strangers around me questionable)

After having this somewhat out of body realization, I quickly dismissed all hindering thoughts, and went right back to being annoying. Because after all, life is short, we should try to enjoy it while we can.

And once back to being myself, my friend and I finished up our afternoon quietly making fun of a woman who was wearing what looked like her own version of a pirate outfit. Black, rather tight pants, black knee-high leather boots, and a white shirt. Topping off this ensemble was a red sash, tied just enough above the waist for it to look odd. Or like she was going to fire some cannons and hoist the main sail......

Apparently at the age of 30, having self-realization-based ideas of betterment doesn't last very long. Either that or my attention span is too short to maintain a want for personal growth. Either way, I'm okay with it.

My Life is FILLED With Intelligent Moments.....sometimes.

Okay, so...yeah, Ive been gone a while. I'd like to say it was for some noble reason, like saving ducks and baby otters from oil spills, or feeding the hungry......... But, I was reading. And apparently all those doctors from my childhood who claimed I had A.D.D* can suck it, because I got so caught up reading that I kind of forgot about everything else. (*I should mention that I believe that attention deficit disorder is something doctors made up as something to label a child who has an over-active imagination, lots of energy, and are slower than the norm to learn some things. And by giving the child this label, it then releases parents, teachers, and other adults from the responsibility of having to put forth some effort to help, or frees them from being blamed for pre-mentioned behavior and learning ailment.)

Ho-boy! That was a bit on the bitchy side, eh? Sorry 'bout that!

Any-hoo.... So as I was saying... I wasn't just reading this whole time, that would just be sad and pathetic.. (and something I would be totally capable of) No, I did find other things to eat up my writing time. Some friends and I went to go see Sherlock Holmes, which was completely amazing I might add! The only part that was not completely amazing, however, was roughly 10 minutes from the end of the film the fire alarm goes off, the lights come on, and we are instructed via pre-recorded message on the loud speaker, that we are to "please evacuate the building in a safe yet timely manner"... So we all trudge out the emergency exit, at 11:30 at night. The ground c-o-v-e-r-e-d in ice. Outdoor temperature resting at around 20 below freezing. And we are in the theatre in the BACK of the building. Fun.

Then to prove how smart the general population is, they all proceed to make their way around the building (which at this time we have no idea if the building is actually on fire), walk right up to the front entrance, and go RIGHT BACK INSIDE...smart. And being that we didn't want to be the ONLY ones that have the guts to show our intelligence, we go back in the building as well. After a few minutes, we were informed that it was in fact a false alarm, we were allowed to go back into the theatre and our movie would resume shortly.
So other than that it was great. Probably not my smartest moment, but, come on! Sherlock Holmes........Robert Downey Jr......... Jude Law......need I say more?

Holy clogged artery, Batman!

I have accomplished the unthinkable and the dangerous. I went Christmas shopping....in December....on a Friday night.....and lived. And so did those around me for that matter. My friend and I started off the evening with dinner. We went to a nearby "sit-down" burger place and had two of the best burgers ever made in the history of man, and/or cow. This burger was so good that even cows themselves would eat it.... It was totally amazing. Along with the burger basics, it donned a fried egg. This may not sound like much, but it was worth slapping your mother over. This burger, from this point on, has ruined all other food for me.

Anywho, not the point. After leaving there we went to several other stores, including the mother-ship, Barnes and Noble. It was extremely difficult to get out of there without spending my entire Christmas fund on books for myself. But I showed great strength and just bought gifts. At this point it started getting late, so our last stop of the evening was Target, which has now changed to their new holiday hours, which means they close at midnight. Yay for employee suffering!! We were worn out and about to drop, but just had to get this last little bit of shopping done before we called it a night. As we sauntered through the movies (something I cant normally do without drooling in want over some of them) we came to an endcap of "value collection" dvds. These usually consist of four older movies of the same set or type, all in one case, and are usually anywhere from $10-$14 depending on the titles. As our eyes scan through the titles, I come across all four of the original batman movies....together....and on sale for 8 bucks. I almost wet myself right there in the aisle. Being a geek, AND adding the fact that I have a slight dvd obsession, I am ashamed that I do not already own these movies. But I do now!

We didn't think we were going to be able to go one more step, until we walked onto the aisle that holds the action figures. From a far, like a homing beacon, or that shiny star off into the north (yes I am comparing action figures to the star of Bethlehem, but they were STAR WARS figures!!) I spotted one lonely storm trooper sitting in its little clear plastic shroud on the floor. I immediately ran over and saved it from its abandoned plight. Upon retrieval, I notice a small hole in the front of the packaging, with a sticker that gives the instruction to "try me". Being that I can never ignore this type of invitation, especially when it is presented in the form of bright white sticker with bold blue lettering. My friend and I were absolutely elated to discover that it had something like 8 or 9 sentences. And this was no crappy computer voice......no. This was the actual voice from the actual movie. The way George Lucas had intended. Needless to say, we got our second winds, my friend purchased the storm trooper, and all was right with the world.

Later that night while hanging out over at my friend's, the storm trooper regularly gave his input into the conversation;
friend: "Donnie Darko was an odd movie, and it didn't make any sense."

me: "hey, I really liked that movie!"

Storm Trooper: "Close the blast doors!"

friend: "it didn't make any sense, and it was rather depressing.."

me: "I loved it! I thought it was great, sad or not."

Storm Trooper: "The Deathstar plans are not in the main computer."

friend: "i dunno, it just wasn't my favorite. It could have gone in so many different directions and ended up being a much better movie."

me: "well, I loved it. I....loved....it."

Storm Trooper: "move along".

This went on until about 3:30 in the morning...
I later retreated back to my home and plugged in the first Batman movie, and slipped into a "cheesy comic/movie" coma. It was a good day..