In Defense Of My Nerd Heritage...

It has been recently brought to my attention that there are those that do not agree with individuals proudly wearing and using the title of "nerd". Those that necessarily don't disagree, but are confused by the pride the nerd-folk hold in having this label. I felt that it was my duty to set the record straight. I'd like to begin todays lesson with a story...

The other day, The Boyfriend and I were laying in bed, having one of those random 2am talks, that generally spring up out of nowhere, and usually don't actually go anywhere, but instead ends when one or both of us simply passes out. The subject was junior high and high school, how it went for each of us, and how we survived. He seemed really surprised when I told him that when in junior high I only had one or two friends. And our school was so big that I rarely ever saw them. So a large majority of lunches were spent sitting by myself while dodging french fries being thrown at me from nearby tables.
"Really????" He kept saying. ".......really????" He has assumed that school stories such as this were only being exaggerated in movies and TV shows. Nope. Really. Preteens and teenagers are pricks. Period.

But alas, I survived (with minimal emotional scarring) and trudged on to high school. I had managed to make a larger amount of friends, and off campus lunches saved me from picking food out of my hair on a daily basis. This does not mean that I went without harassment. Everyday, several times a day, there were those that felt they were better than everyone else, and they were going to drill that into your head through public humiliation...... Again, I survived. A little more bitter toward the world and the general population, but alive.

So I grew up knowing the definition of the word "nerd". I blossomed feeling like the damn word was etched across my forehead. But I survived. And more importantly, I didn't change much. I kept right on liking all the same nerdy things I liked before. Even though every corner I turned, every magazine I opened, every show I watched, I was being shown, told, lectured on how girls my age were supposed to act, dress, and project. I stuck to the things I liked.

I was given (and deserved) the title of Nerd, and I wore it proudly! Proudly I tell you! And into my adulthood I have fallen farther into that catagory, and still wear the title proudly.

How, you ask? Well let me enlighten you...

A few years back my brother worked at a comic book/gaming store. He was in charge of the RPG and table games, which meant he had to learn how to play them so he could then in turn, educate the customers. So he brought games and cards galore home and practiced with me as his pupil. One of which was the Star Wars card game.

Awesomeness!!!

This was one that we decided we really liked, and played quite often... My brother had gotten one set from work, which consisted of a full set of Rebels/Jedi cards, (the good guys) and a full set of the Dark side (the bad guys). I always played with the Rebels/Jedi cards, because frankly.......they are awesome. So when we decided to retire the game for the time being, my brother gave me one set, and he kept the other. Which, you need both sets to actually play, so each set alone was basically useless. Remember that episode of the Simpsons where all the old men in Springfield were apart of that "order" and each one of them had a key, and as they died off their key would be placed in the large round lock? Then the last person living inherited what was inside...? Yeah, it was kinda like that, except with Star Wars cards.......and there is only two of us.....

And who else but a nerd has toys and action figures displayed in their living rooms.........at the age of 30?? To name a few, I have Spiderman figures, Ghost Busters toys, and Lego Star Wars toys and figures. (and I have friends that have collections that make mine look like a happy meal prize) And to top off the obsession I just this week spent several, several hours on ebay bidding on more Star Wars Lego figures. A few of which, I won, proudly. This next week will be the longest ever, as I stand closely behind the post man as he fills all 75 mail slots, waiting for him to deliver my figures. He may call the cops....it could get ugly.

The Obi Wan, above, is my newest addition.

Every week or so, my friends and I get together and have the same conversations, over and over again. Sometimes we expound and branch out.....sometimes they can get quite heated. But they usually all contain the same set of material. Star Wars, Angel, Firefly, The Office, True Blood, Buffy......it gets rough..especially when there is liquor involved.

So in closing, I am a nerd. I am proud of that fact. I survived the torment of junior high and high school, and have managed to skip the therapy. I earned that title back in my youth, and held on to it until we have reached a time where people claim it. They are proud of it. Because like the rest, they went through hell to get it, it took a hell of a lot of pride to accept it, and even more guts to display it with honor.

So, suck it...

Emotional bouncy balls...

I really hadn't planned on posting today, but I just felt compelled. I didn't initially intend on this being a daily blog. I cant think of why anyone would want to hear what I have to say on a daily basis.......I don't even want to hear what I have to say every day, but being that I cant say it without hearing it too, I really have no choice. Although, I suppose you aren't really "hearing" this, as much as reading it. Unless of course you are reading out loud........mkay..moving on.

I had a conversation with a friend the other day, that I have been thinking on ever since. We were discussing how emotional we have become over the last few years. And for me its really come through in just the last year, year and a half. I brought this up to my friend to get a comparison, and hopefully an opinion as well. I should mention that my friend is about 2 or 3 years older than me, and male. I didn't know if what I was experiencing was due to my age, or my female hormones due to my age, or a combination of everything, or just that I had won the lottery of annoying emotional habits... And apparently I'm not alone. We were discussing the fact that we can't get through the Firefly series without tearing up in a few (or most, in my case) of the episodes. "OOooh the one were Zoe has to go and save Wash and Mal......and the one where you see everyone's back story of how they came to be on Serenity...I cry EVERY time!...." Yes, that is pretty much verbatum, and it has really gotten that bad.... *side note; if you haven't seen Firefly or the follow-up movie Serenity, WATCH THEM. It is totally worth it, I promise you...*

I think it just comes with age. I think I have just gotten to a point now where soooooo many things that once were important issues for me, are now just distant thoughts no longer clouding my mind. And my mind, now having so much more room for the "important" things, can now fully outline and dissect the meanings behind those hidden details of life.

Let me give you an example;

20 year old me watching Star Wars: "I still cannot fricken believe that Darth Vader is Luke Skywalker's father.... That is mind blowing." End of thought.

30 year old me watching Star Wars: "What on earth could Luke have been feeling at that moment?? He was obviously angry and confused.... I just couldn't imagine what that must feel like! And for Vader/Anikin.....Oh....the torment he must have been feeling all these years, being so angry over the loss of his only love, but then finding his children. Then trying to kill them! Sheesh, what a roller coaster of emotion he must have been going through." And the thought trails on, all in a matter of seconds, and all while the tears start to flow down the cheeks and into the popcorn bowl in my lap....

(and I believe that I should state for the record that I never USED to be a crier. Don't get me wrong, I'm not heartless. I misted during Saving Private Ryan and Schiendler's List like the rest of the world, but otherwise I could keep it to myself!)

It's not that I think that we are simple minded or uncaring during our early 20's....its quite the opposite. I think that at a younger age we are just more accepting and open to absorb the things we are fed. I believe that the older we get, the harder we are to convince that things are the way things are.

It all comes down to imagination. When we are children, our imaginations are like silly putty. It can be shaped and molded to fit the things around us, but still remains recognizable as silly putty. Then the older we get, the harder it gets.....just like silly putty if you leave out of that little plastic egg.. When we reach a certain point, which I suppose the age would vary by individual, it becomes like one of those bouncy balls you get out of the machines for a quarter. Its still wild and all over the place if you throw it hard enough, but it never changes shape. You can put it in your pocket and it will be all warm and safe, collecting all your pocket fuzzies. The ball may admire the shape of the quarter you keep in the same pocket. And it can agree with the shape of the keys that's in there too. But its still a ball, because that is what is knows how to be.

It's harder for me now than ever to accept things for how they are, or how they appear to be. I have too many questions. I have too many needless, far-fetched comparisons. I for some reason feel the need to try to attach myself to the equation, only to bounce my stupid bouncy ball off of it and watch it go boinging across the room. I cant just conform to it and then quickly peel myself off to see what transfers. And if its nothing, then it's obviously not the right kind of ink....next!

I miss being silly putty...